Web:
destinationdigest.tripod.com |
Cooler than
Arthur Fonzarelli
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Web:
destinationdigest.tripod.com |
Cooler than
Arthur Fonzarelli
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September 200128 September - Jason
Akermanis: Brownlow Medallist and complete armpit Explanations: |
You're vaulting with Aussie pole vaulter, Dmitri Markov. |
Jason Akermanis: Brownlow Medallist and complete armpit*Friday, 28 SeptemberCast your mind back to 1996. I was doing a Government Administration Traineeship at Lorraine Martin College. At the same time, a group of footballers were doing a Sports Administration Traineeship, most notably Brett and Michael Voss and Jason Akermanis. We were in a lot of the same classes. I remember one particular incident,... we were in this communications subject. The teacher was explaining how people have different styles of communicating and learning. People are either auditory, visual or kinaesthetic communicators. The teacher went on to describe how visual people are much more beautiful and take more pride in their appearance. She continued that auditory people are usually musical and kinaesthetic people are fiddlers. She then randomly chose students to stand up and asked everyone to say what style of communicator they thought the student was. I got picked and this red haired boy sitting up the front with his Brisbane Lions tie and chambray shirt calls out "She's not visual, she's too ugly for that!" Well,... knock me over with a feather. So much for ADULT education. I acted brave, just like I did in high school and primary school when they called me names. I was repetitively told how ugly I was and the boys had a pet dog name for me. I thought those days were long gone,... until that day at college when Jason Akermanis made that awful statement. I have spent the past five years resenting Jason for that remark, hating him with a passion that was completely out of proportion with the comment he made about me. I think, looking back, that I channelled all the hurt from high school and all the pain from primary school into that most recent, vivid and painful memory. In my mind, I can only remember one or two schoolyard incidents - I have forced myself to forget as much as possible. But my heart can not forget the pain, and Jesus can't heal my heart until I forgive Jason Akermanis for being an armpit. Maybe then I'll be able to receive healing for this pain and move on. I guess the first step is to have the dummy spit now that I should have had that day. I should have politely (or impolitely) put Jason Akermanis in his place instead of hoping that incompetent teacher would do it. Last night on "Search for a Supermodel" Jemma said that people would call you names. She said to let it be water off a ducks back. I say NO! I have carried the burden of those nasty names around with me all my life. I have felt the pain of being called of dog, of being called fat and hairy. I believed those lies too. I don't have to ignore or supposedly let them slide off. I have a right to be angry. My Heavenly Father is angry. He's angry that I've been hurting all these years. He's angry that his own creation has been so corrupted by sin that this behaviour is considered normal. Oh God, I've been hurting over this for so long,... Aching. I need to forgive all those people for all the names they called me. I need to renounce those names - they're not true, they're not my name. My name is Anna. My name means grace. That's my name. I forgive you, Jason Akermanis. I forgive you, Kyogle High School, Summerland Christian Academy, Kyogle Primary School and all those nasty catholic kids on the buses in between. Maybe now, I can get on with my life. Maybe now, I can cheer for the Lions in tomorrow's Grand Final. |
I was going to make a deliberate typing error in my intro along the lines of Jason (W)Akermanis,.. but then I thought that would make me as bad as him. Besides, he probably gets called a wacker all the time. | |
Promises***Thursday, 27 SeptemberI'm beginning to realise that the promises of God are not like the promises of man. For a start, God expects us to participate in their fulfilment. It's not like when I was a child and my mum would promise me something for Christmas. God's promises require us to actively work towards their fulfilment. For me, I think the promised land is a prime example. The Israelites had to believe and then they had to conquer,... but they couldn't do it without God's presence either. They needed miracles. Today my desk calendar talked about waiting on God. This is a concept I thought I had down pat, but God obviously sees room for improvement. It's probably the fact that externally, I appear to be waiting patiently, but internally I'm fuming with frustration,.... only God can see it. He sees my frustration and is trying to teach me to hand it over to Him. I wish I could. I wish I could dump this frustration at the cross and just leave it with Him. I have a headache. It may be time for another massage at Wilston Physiotherapy. |
Joshua 1 - The Promised Land
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The Pre-PCOS Me***Wednesday, 26 SeptemberMaybe my memories are tainted, but I remember seeing a different person in the mirror. In the days before I had PCOS, I was more feminine, more confident, more optimistic. The pre-PCOS image of me that sticks in my mind is from a beach holiday at Byron Bay. My friends and I were all into these Indian dresses, they were loose, pastel, lacy, sometimes floral, always romantic. We'd all admire them in this dress shop up near the pub,... eventually we all got one. They didn't suit all of us, but I knew they suited me. I had pale skin and mousy brown hair that went into ringlets when it rained. Fashion could go wherever the hell it wanted to, I could live life with this look. It was me. I miss her. She was nice, albeit a bit too vulnerable - too wide-eyed and innocent. If only I could go back, I would tell her a thing or two. I'd warn her to stay away from chocolate, potato chips and boys. They're a fast track to a broken heart. I'm glad I was an adult when I met Mr Destination. Adult relationships are so much easier. I'm going in search of the woman I knew I was. For fifteen years, I've been grieving the loss of everything she was. She was slim (not skinny, not fat), she had long hair (but it was healthy). She was confident in her own skin and in her own clothes. I'm none of those things. I miss her. I want to get her back. |
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Common illness**Tuesday, 25 SeptemberSheesh. Talk about diarising vicariously through Uncle Bob. The man's just been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. We have so much in common. Scary. That's the thing with these on-line journals,... you start feeling like you have so much in common with a complete stranger. It's scary. It's a bit like Big Brother. Very scary. |
Congratulations to Jason Akermanis for winning the Brownlow Medal. Go Lions! Yeah! For those of you who are concerned that I may have bailed on St Kilda,... you could well be right. I'll follow Barry Hall to whatever team he goes to. But in the mean-time, I'm barracking for the Brisbane Lions to kick Essendon's hairy butt. Yeah.
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Another day, another specialist,...**Monday, 24 SeptemberI have just been to yet another new specialist. Pretty soon I will have been to every endocrinologist and gynaecologist on the eastern seaboard. Anyway, yet again this doctor has a different opinion about my PCOS / Diabetes and was critical of the treatment my last specialist gave me. She had some good reasons which makes me wonder why Julie Lindstrom didn't test my serum progesterone levels two weeks ago. It looks like I am going to have to monitor my blood sugars four times a day and test my blood pressure at home. This is all to ensure that, when the time comes, my pregnancy is safe. [sigh] I have to ring the specialist tomorrow morning to find out the results of my blood tests I just had. One is because there is a slim chance that I could be pregnant right now, and it just isn't registering on the home pregnancy test. Wouldn't that be something, huh? |
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Sorry, Can't talk,...*Friday, 21 SeptemberI suppose you're all feeling ripped off by all the sparse short entries I've been making. Well, apologies in advance for yet another short one. I know I've neglected you lately,...in the (slightly-paraphrased) words of Kevin Smith, "I never write, I never call. What ever happened to us?" Anyway, I've got an assignment due today, I've got overdue library books that I'm being fined for as we speak. And, I've got a whole heap of catching up to do in both my other subjects. I'll probably be studying on the weekend - which pisses me off. I really didn't want to have to do that, but it's my own fault for going shopping on Wednesday instead of studying. The shops were calling me,... I was feeling so deprived. Even now I still feel deprived because my shopping adventure was cut short by a phone call. My agency rang to see if I wanted to go for a job at (.... wait for it,... drumroll please,....) Channel 9. OK so it's only in their accounts department, but in an industry where contacts are everything, it could be the foot in the door that I need. So I'm waiting to hear if I have to drop everything and rush off to an interview today. That could play havoc with my assignment that's due at 5:00pm. So basically this gist of this is, I don't have time to talk to you guys today. I'm writing on borrowed time as it is, and if I don't get my assignment in on time, I'll be holding YOU personally responsible. Now, go back to whatever it was you were doing,... |
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Making Omelettes**Monday, 17 SeptemberThe fertility waiting game continues,... I was hoping to have some good news yesterday but the pregnancy test was negative. [sigh] If Aunty Flo hasn't been to visit by Thursday, I'll do another test. It could just be too early to tell. Come on Thundereggs. I said "Go" already! |
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Happy Birthday to me*****Sunday, 16 SeptemberWell, I feel very special today. Everyone's making a fuss of me and it's really very very nice. Particular thanks must go to Mr Destination who made it a memorable special day. My loungeroom is full of flowers. It is ironic that I'm having a happy day while people mourn on the other side of the world. My heart goes out to all those who lost some one, or are desperately searching for them. I am praying for all of you. |
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Happy Fonzie Days**Saturday, 15 SeptemberSomething has really stirred me up this week. I've had violent mood swings. I've been angry at small things that would not normally bother me, and I've been sobbing my eyes out what seems like every night this week. Maybe it's the terrorism in America, maybe it's my hormones, maybe it's the study I'm doing, maybe it's my heart / mind going a little birko. I dunno. Mr Destination gave me a little fish today, a black moore. I named him Arthur Fonzarelli. Cool. I've been in mourning ever since I gave Barry to my Dad for his pond. It is wonderful to have a new fishy friend. One day I would love to have a big tank set up as a proper aquarium. Goldfish are so cool. Maybe Fonzie will cheer me up. I've taken the liberty of adding a Fonzie sound file to this page. If you missed it when it loaded, ie you didn't have your speakers on or something, click here to download the .wav file. I've also decided that this site can afford a few pictures today. Normally, I steer clear of pictures so it won't take forever to download, but hey, Fonzie's worth waiting for. Hhhheeeeeyyyyy. What's Fonzie? He's cool. |
Goldfish Memorial
Days
The first goldfish I had was in high school in grade 9. I had three fish and I named them after my best friends, Sundy, Maya and Mellissa. They all died from some fishy disease on Christmas day, 1987. I didn't get another fish until approximately 2000. A very cool Black Moore aptly named The Dude. He is the benchmark to which all goldfish will now be compared. When we moved interstate, The Dude moved to Monique & Troy's pond. When I got to Brisbane I rushed out and got a new fish to replace the gaping whole The Dude had left in my life. I bought a Comet and named him Barry after Barry Hall from St Kilda. Barry had some of Hall's birko qualities. He could swim in very fast circles around the bowl. Unfortunately Comets are a pond breed - no one at the fish shop bothered to tell me that. Barry made the water green five seconds after I cleaned it. He now lives happily in my Dad's wine barrel pond. Which brings us up to date,... |
Normal programming resumes*Thursday, 13 SeptemberWell, (relatively) normal programming has resumed on TV. Australia's five TV channels can only regurgitate CNN and American ABC news broadcasts for so long. Unfortunately life's normal program can not resume as easily. I'm stirred up, my friends and family are stirred up too. My Dad came home from work early yesterday saying he just couldn't do any more. He was too shocked. It is interesting that my parents were at a prayer meeting on Tuesday night (our time) which was just before the first plane crashed into the World Trade Centre. They were praying that God would have mercy on the Muslim people. Personally, I've just been praying that he would bring Islam down,... but really God's heart is for unity, forgiveness and compassion. He would not want to see Muslim people die. While I am angry at whoever did this horrific act of terrorism, I am beginning to feel a sense of compassion. I think it's the compassion I couldn't feel for the boat people earlier in the month. Maybe this terrorism brings things into perspective. We should be loving, we should be compassionate. We should take as many boat people as we can. We should see this as a new opportunity for Australia to grow. These people will become a valued part of our culture - if we only extend a hand to them in kindness. Listen up, John Howard!!! Be nice. |
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"The
worst act of terrorism the world has ever seen"
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AWOL*****Saturday, 8 September - Tuesday, 11 SeptemberNo postings - I've been busy chilliing out at Pincushion on the Sunshine Coast. |
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One thing I forgot to mention***Friday, 7 SeptemberI forgot to mention the ace time I had at the Goodwill Games on Monday night (September 3). I saw the finals of the mens swimming. Excellent.
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Nervous Tension***Friday, 7 SeptemberI've been a bit quiet lately. Sorry about that, guys. I think I'm going through a bit of turmoil. There's so much going on in my head at the moment,... there wasn't much space left for coming up with a decent journal entry. It's not that I haven't been writing,... I've been writing about what I'm going through. But I can't bring myself to publish some of it,... not yet. Perhaps I want to keep it for my autobiography, or perhaps I'm just not sure how to describe things just yet. I've been having heaps of tension headaches lately. The doctor said she didn't want me taking any drugs that pregnant women can't take, so I had a massage yesterday. I went to a physiotherapist who really got stuck into my neck and the base of my skull. It helped get rid of the built up tension in my neck and shoulders. She said I have a bad posture which would be adding to the headaches. She said to be careful particularly when sitting at the computer and driving. I've noticed I slouch all the time,... not just at the computer. What can I say, I'm phlegmatic,... If there's a wall for me to lean against, I lean. If there's a seat, I sit. If there are shoulders to be hunched, I hunch. I'm a casual slouchy kinda girl. That defines my dress sense as well. Ironing? What is that? Schyeah right. As if I'm going to waste half my life getting the creases out of shirts, only to jump in the car and put the creases back in five minutes later. Get real. |
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Thundereggs are go*****Tuesday, 4 SeptemberWho needs thunderbirds when you have thundereggs in your ovaries? hehehe. I would like to thank Clomid for being the first drug to induce ovulation in my crazy body. Yes, there are two eggs, 18mm x 20mm, one on each ovary. I'm so fertile. I am as fertile as any other woman in the general population. That means that I have a 20% chance of getting up the duff in the next 36 hours. I'd appreciate it if you didn't make any unexpected visits to my house tonight. The answering machine will be on. Mr Destination and I will be busy. |
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Happy Fathers Day*****Saturday, 2 SeptemberMr Destination gets to celebrate Fathers Day even though we don't have babies. My logic is that he needs to practise the challenging pursuit that is 'Fatherhood'. One can not be just thrown into such a demanding endeavour. So, I buy him a Fathers Day present,... and in return, I get a Mothers Day present. I thought I was ultra cool buying Mr Destination an Ayrton Senna video. Until,... he unwrapped it and went,... "Ummmm,... Mrs D. I've already got this video." Oh. Oh bugger. Oh gosh, bother and pooh. I really hope I kept the receipt. My advice to you is, double check before you buy your Mr or Mrs a present. ooopppss. )-: |
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Heroic Kicking*****Saturday, 2 SeptemberJesus is my Hero and I don't have earthly idols to distract my attention,... but if I did, Barry Hall would be my hero. He bailed the Saints out of some serious Hawthorn-inflicted damnation. Saint Kilda Football Club need all the help they can get on the ground. Last night they were twice blessed - the annoyingly painful Peter Everitt was turfed off the field early on with some kind of injury - and then Barry came through with a miracle 2 seconds after the final siren. What a kick. What a breakthrough. What a wonderful way for Saint Kilda to end the 2001 competition. |
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Spring Stories**Friday, 1 SeptemberSpring is in the air. Brisbane welcomed spring to town with a big scary storm. There was torrential rain and lightning and thunder. There was no time for romance or skipping among the flowers because everyone had to run for cover or risk being hit by lightning. |
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| Check out The Vault for older stuff. | ||
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Oh my God! Can such a day as this ever happen again? |
BTW = By the way |
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Thanks for visiting me G, for real.
Me is so happy that you visited my web site.
Respect.
