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More variety than McDonald's new taste menu
Would you like sludge with that? Oh sorry, Fudge.

Have you cleaned your ears out lately?

On 6 June 2000, while I was watching the Good News Week Great Debate on “Love makes the world go around”, Rove McManus referred to something he loves. It is the sensation you get when you are cleaning your ear with a cotton bud and you push it just that little bit too far into your ear canal and you end up with “one fifteenth of an orgasm”.

A woman I used to work with,…she was 43 and still living at home with her mother. She used to get this ear thing done by her doctor at regular intervals. He’d flush her ears out with a syringe full of warm water. I figure it must have been the closest to an orgasm (in male company) that she ever got.

Rove McManus’s comment explained a lot of things about her that night.

Hooray for Barbies

I knew I shouldn't have skimped when I bought Barbie a new ski suit. It's just that,...well, for only $5.45 I could get a full ski-suit, sunglasses, boots and snowboard. (That's right, only $5.45, but don't send any money! We'll bill you!!).

Barbie is just as thrifty as the rest of us. Unfortunately the major problem with buying cheap "Jessica" brand doll-ware, is panty lines. Yes, I can see her white panties through her ski suit.

Not a good look for a doll of her class.

That said, I think she'd actually be a lot warmer up on the mountain in one of her other outfits. Just as well she's only snowbarding on my windowsill above the sink - otherwise she'd have to be in thermals.

I think Barbie is going to publish her diary on-line here soon. She leads such an exciting and classy life.

Nanna Tainton's Custard Cookies (aka "Damn Fine & Tasty Lard Rings")

I'm paranoid about losing the bit of paper that I wrote this recipe down on. This is my "off site back-up". Also, you just might like to make some of these yourself.

These biscuits are a family favourite called "Custard Cookies" but, in fact, they taste very similar to a Melting Moment or a Yo-Yo. All you need to do is wack some icing in the centre and you've got a very nice Yo-Yo.

• 1/2 cup custard powder
• 1/2 cup icing sugar
• 1 1/2 cups self-raising flour
• 190 grams butter

Rub the butter into all the dry ingredients until crumbly.

Roll mixture into balls the size of small walnuts.

Bake on greased biscuit tray in 180 degree oven for 17 minutes until golden brown.

Dust with icing sugar.